Habits: The Resolutions “Glow-Up”
As a therapist, I have a love-hate relationship with New Years Eve as a holiday. On the one hand, I love the holiday’s opportunities to reflect on the past year, cultivate gratitude for the triumphs and evolutions you experienced, and celebrate the new beginning of the next year. On the other hand, I have noticed a cultural shift towards setting unrealistic, toxic, often shame-based resolutions that can tend to lead to more disappointment and self-criticism than positive results. Since resolutions are so popular, and can have a positive impact on mental health when done right, here is a guide to setting a resolution that will actually stick. (Spoiler alert: it’s not a resolution, it’s actually a value-based habit!)
A Good Resolution is Essentially a New Habit
A good resolution is based on how you want to live, not how you don’t want to live
So many resolutions are based on self-criticism, shame, and comparing yourself to others (for example, resolutions about weight or body size). Effective resolutions must be based on something that you actually care about, that is rooted in your values. To reflect on this, ask yourself questions like:
“What could I change about my life to feel more alive each day?”
“Am I doing what is most important to me often enough? If not, how can I get there?”
“What could I add to my life to make it more meaningful and fulfilling?”
From these questions, you may arrive at conclusions like “I value health, but I often make substance, food and movement choices that do not support me in this value.” The next steps below will help you make a sustainable resolution on this topic rooted in self-love rather than self-criticism.
A good resolution adds to your life, not subtracts
If you’re eliminating a major food group, or otherwise subtracting something in your resolutions, you may fail because your resolution will feel like a punishment or deprivation. Feelings of deprivation contribute to feelings of self-criticism and shame. Instead, frame your resolutions as something that you want to add to your life, in congruence with your values that you thought about above. For example, if your goal is to work on your overall health, maybe you want to add nutritious foods into your diet to increase your overall health. Maybe you want to carve out 20 minutes per day to move your body somehow, or explore a new method of movement you haven’t tried. Perhaps you want to add a non-alcoholic beverage in place of your after work cocktail once a week to see how that feels. Or, maybe you want to add an hour of rest & recharge time to your weekend instead of always being on the go. In all of these examples, the goal of health is tied to values-based additions, not shame-based subtractions.
A good resolution can be turned into a habit
There are tons of books on habit formation, like Atomic Habits by James Clear. Clear writes that in order to make a habit stick, it is important that they are small enough to be realistic. The goal should be to do a little bit of something different or extra each day, with the overall goal of seeing a change over time. That way, you don’t sprint out of the gate only to become fatigued and collapse soon after. Building on the two points above, if something is aligned with your personal values, and adds something important to your life, then making realistic small steps towards it each day should feel rewarding and sustainable. In this way, before you know it, you’ll be reflecting on your changes with gratitude next New Year’s Eve!
In conclusion, New Year's Resolutions that stick are actually value-based habits. These are life choices or routines that you actually believe in, that align with your values, that add more to your life than they subtract from it, and that are realistic and sustainable. With repeated small steps forward, you may be surprised what you can achieve.
