Supporting a Loved One with Breast Cancer
October is breast cancer awareness month. 1 in 8 women are diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. It is the second most common cancer among women and is the second leading cause of cancer death among women in the US. For non-Hispanic Black women and Hispanic women, breast cancer is the leading cause of cancer death (CDC, 2025). With rates like this, it is very likely that you know or knew someone in your life who has battled breast cancer. And while “Pink October” is a great way to show support, raise awareness, and increase funding and research, this type of support can only go so far for our loved ones. Whenever we have a loved one going through a life challenge, cancer or otherwise, we can be left feeling helpless or unsure how to support them. Besides curing their cancer, what can we really do to support those we love? What actually helps?
Don’t try to fix it. Instead, show empathy. No one likes seeing their loved on in pain or suffering, so we can be quick to say things like “at least you’re getting the best treatment” or “at least they caught it early” to make the pain less bad or to see the bright side. Unfortunately, this often leaves the person feeling invalidated in their experience. Instead, try feeling with them and say something like “wow, that sounds really scary” or “I don’t even know what to say right now, I’m just grateful you told me.” Connection is helpful.
Bring food. Whether your loved one is battling cancer, is a new parent, or recently lost their job, food is always helpful. During difficult times, figuring out what to eat can be an added stress on top of an already stressful situation. Show up with food, drop it off on their porch, bonus points if it is already cooked, freezer friendly, kid friendly, or minimal dishes. If you aren’t someone who likes to cook, a GrubHub gift card can go a long way!
Offer to do domestic tasks or run errands. As previously mentioned, domestic tasks can be an added stress during already stressful times. Do the dishes, water the plants, fold the kid’s laundry, anything to take something off their plate. If your loved one declines the help, respect the boundary, but continue to offer next time you see them.
Give them space to talk about their experience, but also don’t harp on it if they want to change the subject. Sometimes the person may want or need to talk about what they are going through. Try not to judge or fix it (mentioned above), instead just listen and offer emotional support. Don’t be offended if they don’t want to talk about it, it’s probably not personal and they might just need a distraction.
Be mindful that you might need to put more effort into the relationship right now. When our loved ones are going through a major life event, they might not have the mental or emotional resources to maintain relationships as much as they would probably like. You might need to be the one to initiate contact or connection more often. Again, it’s probably not personal, they just need to be supported right now.
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